“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” Sam Keen
Over the last ten days of our forty days of gratitude, I chose to focus on my husband. We have been married for over thirteen years and we have known each other for over twenty. Hard to believe. It is not always easy. Like life, our marriage has endured its ups and downs, ebbs and flows.
Today I am thinking about what has kept our marriage going and what has kept me “in love” for so many years. I can’t help but think about what a a therapist once said to us: “work out a way (a mechanism) to deal with conflict”. We listened.
Part of this mechanism is about how we communicate. The other part is about what we don’t say but believe and see from our perspective (which will affect how we communicate). My perspective sometimes? (and one that kills my “love”) : I sometimes forget that he is human, with his own history, his own patterns and his own interpretation. I desperately want him and our relationship to be “perfect”. I want us to have the “perfect” relationship, with “perfect” children, fun and joy ALL the time, and no conflict.
As Sam Keen so beautifully wrote, by seeing Kevin perfectly imperfect it allows me to feel love. It allows me to feel more compassion. It also allows me to inquire rather than judge. To persevere rather than quit. To love rather than resent.
Funny, isn’t it? the more I want the “perfect” person, the more I fall out of “love”: the more faults I see, the more mistakes I catch, the more inconsistencies I judge.
I am imperfect, Kevin is imperfect and our relationship is imperfect. Perfectly imperfect. Seeing this is love.
I am grateful.
What or who are you grateful for today?