Day 33: Love…

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” Sam Keen

Over the last ten days of our forty days of gratitude, I chose to focus on my husband.  We have been married for over thirteen years and we have known each other for over twenty.  Hard to believe.   It is not always easy.  Like life, our marriage has endured its ups and downs, ebbs and flows.

Today I am thinking about what has kept our marriage going and what has kept me “in love” for so many years.  I can’t help but think about what a a therapist once said to us: “work out a way (a mechanism) to deal with conflict”.  We listened.

Part of this mechanism is about how we communicate.  The other part is about what we don’t say but believe and see from our perspective (which will affect how we communicate).  My perspective sometimes? (and one that kills my “love”) : I sometimes forget that he is human, with his own history, his own patterns and his own interpretation.  I desperately want him and our relationship to be “perfect”.  I want us to have the “perfect” relationship, with “perfect” children, fun and joy ALL the time,  and no conflict.

As Sam Keen so beautifully wrote, by seeing Kevin perfectly imperfect it allows me to feel love.  It allows me to feel more compassion.  It also allows me to inquire rather than judge.  To persevere rather than quit.  To love rather than resent.

Funny, isn’t it?  the more I want the “perfect” person, the more I fall out of “love”: the more faults I see, the more mistakes I catch, the more inconsistencies I judge.

I am imperfect, Kevin is imperfect and our relationship is imperfect.  Perfectly imperfect.  Seeing this is love.

I am grateful.

What or who are you grateful for today?

7 thoughts on “Day 33: Love…

  1. This is a very honest and heart felt offering, thank you Lucila for being so vulnerable! I hope Kevin enjoys the feeling also?
    You guys are amazing, and a wonderful example of how a working partnership grows into a loving and compassionate marriage!
    It is a gift to know you all!

  2. I am also grateful for my husband’s sense of humor and the fact that he is open to me exposing our life. Although, frankly, not sure if I gave him a choice!

  3. Grateful for my girlfriends! Specifically my Quad girls…thats our nickname. I am grateful for our friendship and that we can share stories, tears, laughs, families, and so much more! Grateful that they stick with me through my good days and bad days & rough days and happy days.

  4. I’m grateful for my family and friends. I lost my daughter, Emily last week – and I know is she with God. I am grateful for having her in my life and loving her with my heart and soul. She loved us so much and taught us so much.

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